ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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