So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
