I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
