You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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