For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
