the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
