I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
