Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
