He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize