I wanna bring you to show and tell
Your face is a jimmy john
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
