to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He has the fingertips of a God
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