the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
