The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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