you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
