We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
