loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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