yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
