it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
