I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize