Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
