i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
