My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
