Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
