Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
