You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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