when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize