I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
