He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
