corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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