Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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