dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
