You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
