2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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