This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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