i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
