Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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