My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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