So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
