My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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