____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
there is glitter all over my balls
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
