I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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