I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
