Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize