im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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