she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
