Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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