okay pat passed out under dana's car
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
