Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize