i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize