When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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