I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
