Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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