Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize