Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
