We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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