At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
