I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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