i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
