If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
