hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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