Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
