I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
