Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
