Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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