Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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