i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
