fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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