I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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