Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
