Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
