My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
