Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize