how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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